Friday, July 23, 2021

Strange Place


Today I saw 

a woman lying halfway up an escalator

she was curled on her side, like she was sleeping

She didn’t move at all

I was alerted to her presence 

as I stood at the check-out paying for two air-fresheners

by the cashier

who neither acknowledged my presence

nor made eye contact with me

as she scanned my items

she was looking over my shoulder

and I heard her softly say

“that woman …”

I turned and walked out

and sure enough

that woman

was lying down

while halfway up an escalator

which had been stopped and a concertina-like barrier erected

to prevent anyone stepping on

two people were with her

holding phones

hoping they would

tell them what to do

about a lady lying down on an escalator

in a busy suburban shopping centre

while all around people

bought their groceries 

with covered faces

and all I could think was

what a strange, surreal place for a life to leave a body


Today I saw

a twelve-pack of bottled water

shrink-wrapped in turtle-killing plastic

by the side of the footpath on the grass

brand new and unopened

and I thought

what a strange place 

for something to land 

it can’t have fallen off a truck

and I paused my stride

no one else around

except a steady stream of cars

on this busy street

and I thought

“could I?”

“It’s free water”

“The plastic is cooking in this direct winter sun”

“I better not”

“I don’t need any trouble”

“Although, it is just lying here”

“How long’s it been here?”

“How long will it be here for”

No, I better not”

“It’s heavy anyway, and I’m still a block from home”

“I don’t need any trouble”

I walked on

A man comes out of a house across the road

in business slacks and shirt and tie

Unusual attire for a suburban street

and he runs across the road and picks up the water

and I think

what a strange place to leave bottles of water






Sunday, June 14, 2020

Playing Dress-Ups

What is it with grown men and costumes?
White peaked hoods
Black cassocks
Epaulettes
Ornate pointy headwear
Sweeping, swooshing robes
with gold and glitz
that make a mockery of vows of poverty
of sackcloth and ashes
Ceremonial tunics
with braiding and sashes
and swords and dashes of brass
and lashes of buttons
that attempt to dress up mass-murder
as a noble career
What is it with grown men and costumes?







Saturday, May 30, 2020

Perfect Me

How much longer will my luck run in
Do I have a decade or a day left to begin
to perfect me
I can see where I need to be
because I'm not there yet
far from it
sometimes I think I want to burn the house down
to ashes
maybe the whole suburb
this city
take some dust to the sea
spread it reverently 
start from nothing again
another chance
one more go at this
do a better job
see the potholes, the pitfalls, the horrors
before they take a hold
and warp
the perfect me
that was



Saturday, May 2, 2020

Keep Me (a birthday poem)

Your arms that hold me
Your mind that bowls me over
Your smile in profile
Your hands and arms
Your charm
Your humour and honour
And your understanding
All keep me in love with you

Already An Answer

I want to lie with your arms around me as we figure this shit out
or decide it doesn’t really need solving
because
where’s the problem?
there’s not one when we’re together
It’s not a riddle when we’re together
how we fit
is already an answer
and solution
to a jigsaw puzzle of two pieces

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Weight

I found the notepad I wrote in
leading up to her death
where I kept a record of my weight loss

I was disappearing
in incremental stages
the numbers ticking backwards
I remember being fascinated
and wondering just how far I'd fade
the last entry made the day before she died


I wish when I die
to leave no trace
no shift in the air
nor imprint on a pillow
or even a memory in another's mind
no clothes in a cupboard
no hair in a brush
no half-read book on a bedside table
I wish it to be as if I was never there
or here
so when I get to my end
like numbers on a page
I just count backwards to nowhere








Friday, August 24, 2018

you're really not coming back

So this is how it's going to be
you're really not coming back
I feel that now

I know you would do anything necessary and required to return
if you could
but not for yourself
it was never death that scared you
it was leaving us behind

you're really not coming back

I feel that now
the weight of that knowledge
is a new presence
that makes me miss you more than ever
it's been too long and it'll only get longer

I feel that now

did I think this would get easier?
it seems to sometimes
most times
and then I just really want to see you
but you're really not coming back 
and the weight of that knowledge
presses in like panic 

I feel that now

I remember us cleaning the screens with soapy water from a bucket
I had my own little brush, the bristles were coloured rainbow bright

I remember the chairs moved away from the table
into a straight row down the hall 
so you could wash the floor
and I would imagine they were the seats on a bus
and take turns trying each one out
my own driver and passengers

I remember helping you to hang out the washing
making sure the peg colours I handed to you in pairs matched 
just you and me
day after day

I miss that now



Tuesday, July 31, 2018

The blind birdwatcher

The blind birdwatcher sits still
listening intently to the avian chorus
recalling vividly in his mind's eye
the colours and shapes that brightened his sky

he identifies them by sound
one by one
with an insight
honed from decades of observation
of their flight and feathers

but now their songs
fill completely his unfocused eyes
he sees them with a clarity
that those too busy to bother can't even imagine




Friday, April 6, 2018

The Last Star Left

Our future has never been brighter
there are some that say we are living in a golden age
we have turned night into day
our globe glows like a luminescent phone screen
the light we emit can be seen from space
but the evening sky is as black as ink
there isn't a star to pierce and prick
through its dark swathe of infinite absence

except for one

the last star left

people venture from all four corners of this sphere
to watch it twinkle from so far
how we wonder what you are
and the elders speak of a sky sprinkled with dazzling diamonds
and the children take their photos with this shining last sentinel
as the earth turns and burns up its life
faster than light


Friday, February 23, 2018

Ladies Day

It looks like some sort of strange version of a concentration camp waiting room
we sit here in our matching drab khaki-coloured kimonos
with the opening at the front
the television's audio cuts in and out
and the image is shattered pixelation from a disrupted digital reception
but we stare at it anyway
or at our phones
careful to avoid acknowledging each other

As we wait I see she's crying
silently
just enough to require she dab the end of her nose with a tissue
she's texting someone
something, no doubt, no one should ever have to write
or read

she has the most perfect painted-pink toenails
beautiful in tan sandals
such an image of gorgeous femininity
while she sits in this clinic that detects malignancies
and I feel such overwhelming pride in the strength of my gender

my name is called and I lay down and open the robe
I think "God be with me" and she starts to probe


Sunday, January 21, 2018

Seabed

It could sweep me right out
if I care to let it
or if I'm careless
it draws me in as it draws me out
it could be a battle between us 
but we settle on a gentle truce
a mostly playful pull and push
continous scoops of translucent sea
curl and rise and wash over me
it lifts and holds my body up from the floor
as if it had arms under my legs and back
and for a moment I lay slack
like I'm floating on a bed 
completely weightless
as light as the sun 



Friday, October 27, 2017

Reflex

It’s so strange the things you recall
after all this time
laying dormant

Sitting on the edge of the bed
legs dangling over the edge
again with the tests
a little hammer to the knee
boing!
it jerks reactively
What, I always worry, is he precisely wanting it to do
Should my leg shoot out like that
or is that too much?
Was that my natural reflex
or did I unintentionally exaggerate its response
and exactly why
Just why
is this man hitting my knee
what does it have to do with what’s wrong with me
could someone please just explain that to me

Pushed hard up against the wall
his hand under my chin pushes on my neck
stretches me as tall as I can be
he plots my progress on a graph 
a new dot in blue pen 

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Testament

My passport and my will
are held together
inside a briefcase
in case of journeys anew or ending

As I wait for the results
I am unable to resist remembering
how you stood in the kitchen
said something wasn’t right
collapsed in my arms
I sat with your head in my lap
after we had slid to the floor
that was the beginning
of the end of it all

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Those Pictures She Posted



You really were so beautiful
those pictures she posted crushed the breath from my chest
and I should have known better than to log on today
but I was doing okay
until
those pictures she posted left me exhausted
I could have fallen to the floor right there at my desk
by the end of the day
from holding it in
but I was doing okay
until
those pictures she posted
pushed me right back with a punch to grief
I should have blocked them from view
but I couldn’t do it
those pictures she posted
is all there is of you

 

Monday, June 20, 2016

Sideways From The Sun



This part of her planet has turned sideways from the sun
and the dark almost, but not quite, comforts as it covers her world completely
the dirt road to her destination is not lined with any illumination
the only glow comes from headlights
the car carries her further and further into the night
and for a moment she can’t tell if she’s earthbound or in flight
all she knows is that she’s moving
whether it’s a transition or transitory she can't tell
she's realising that recovery will be incremental
discovering that forbearance will be instrumental
this time round
but the sun will dismiss the dark come morning
she’ll hear the birds sing her world awake
their music a sweet relief from a night of silence that presses in
and this part of her planet now dresses in a light
that has no equal in clarity anywhere else that she’s ever seen
and she’ll continue her battle to get back to who she’s been