Upon Your Return

You’ll be leaving soon
again
I’ll say “have fun, be careful”
and then
we’ll hug
and I’ll save that embrace, just in case,
to my memory
and upon your return
with the greetings complete
I'll delete

Heart Contract

If I knew you would make my heart contract
I would have paid more attention
to the terms and conditions
and permissions
before accepting and agreeing
and now
the cooling-off period has begun
I can tell

Window Of Time

I will take my fill of this view
and carry it all the way back to you
and when we meet again
I will pour my heart out
so you can see every last sight you missed
droplets
of time
that have all combined
they’ll wash over us
til then
watch over us
while I look out for you

The Other Cheek

I’ve always turned
the other cheek
away from view
away from sight
well, tonight
I thought to myself
“I should hold my head up high
rather than try to hide this part of me”
It bears the hallmarks of girls who should not be
We are maybe not one in a million, but at least
one in a hundred thousand
or some such figure
(it may be bigger)
I should be proud
I should accept

except...

Aftermath Man

Oh shit, dawg!
for real just got real
but for poor Aftermath Man
you do just gotta feel
He’s always keen to help out
to use his powers for Right and Good
but by day he works in an office
while he dreams and thinks he could
take on the baddies and the villains
and sock it to ‘em right where it stings
but when there’s a need for superheroes
he always too late to those things
He’ll be sitting at his desk in the office
being totally incognito n’ stuff
when he’ll hear of a dire situation
like a duel or a fight or a fisticuff
so he’ll run to the toilets to change into
his stockings and long cape and facemask
only to emerge in all his lycra finery
to discover the drama has past
Head down and dejected and moody
he mopes back to the men’s room to undress
to return as boring old Office Dude
Sometimes he thinks he'll just go and confess
to being the guy in the outfit
He wonders if he really ever truly can
make the big, dramatic revelation
“Hey everyone, I’m Aftermath Man!”

For Precious One

Precious One
if you only knew your worth
We would move heaven and earth for you
You have got us all so worried
You have got us all
You have got us

Precious One
I want so much better for you
than what you're going through
It is too late for me to be carefree
so my energy will be devoted to being here for you
because there is no one in my world, Precious One,
that has even begun to come close
to meaning what you do

I know this is your battle to fight
with victory only temporary
and that this piece of your mind won't let you have peace of mind
It's a war you'll never win
but you will begin, I promise, to live within your skin
with something akin to contentment
and if it's only for a moment
you'll make the most of it

Soon I will tell you about how you came along
and gave us something to delight in
when there was nothing else but devastation
and how you still shine into my heart
what sometimes feels like the only natural light
in my day of dull energy-saving bulbs and harsh fluorescents
You make a difference
Your presence alone does wonders
precious wonders
Precious One does

This Morning

I cried myself to awake today
I could hear it as I broke my way
through morning’s surface
from deep below
mourning’s termless grief
I took it slow
as I’ve learned to do
sat up gradually
swivelled around
on the edge
of the bed
placed feet on ground
grew accustomed
to the familiar sounds
of a brand new day
an Eastern Koel's song
heralded the sun's first ray
as I blinked away
the last dregs of that dream
I seem to remember
someone wrote on a card
“take comfort in memories”
so tomorrow morning I will not weep
and instead I’ll smile myself to sleep

Table For Two

It’s habitual
this ritual
of taking out two plates
and then realising too late
after placing them on the bench
that you’re only cooking for one
now
I ask you
where’s the fun
in that

you put one back
in the cupboard

Looking Up

Lately I’ve been looking up at clouds
a little more than ever before
Is it just me
or do they seem
slightly closer?
I can see them from inside this train
I know they once held rain
in their hands
and where it lands
they care not
This train is packed tight with people
who have been soaked to the bone
just trying to get home
without one more drop falling
on their already saturated selves
Some thought life was a gift
to keep
but some have had enough
and want to give it away
call it quits
call it a day
“I’m over it” they say, while under
the weight of it all
and waiting for it all
to lift
But all is not lost
The lady two seats in front
says she delivers catalogues to letterboxes
on the weekend
so she can send
money to a child in Africa
I should feel inadequate
I decide to feel inspired
She looks tired
and I swear to God
I will try to ask for his help less
I confess
right here on this train
to all manner of sins and failings
I want to not make bargains
anymore
I recall
a conversation where we both said
we didn’t wish to be dead
but if given the choice
we would have chosen not to be born
It seemed like such a sad thing
to admit to at the time
but now I’m fine with feeling that way
because that’s not to say
I’m not making the most of every day
Oh no
I’m smelling roses like no one’s business
I’m laughing fit to burst
I’m fighting so hard to stop fearing the worst
about what's in store
things are looking up
like I do at the clouds
a little more than ever before

2am

See those three girls in the back seat
It’s 2am and they need some sleep
They’re being driven home along the freeway
Lights piercing the dark where there once was day
The first rests her head on the window of the car
The second rests her head on the first’s shoulder
The third rests her head on the shoulder of the second
The second feels blessed before sleep beckons

Bapaume Road

You look across and notice
it’s not the window I’m looking through
“You’re missing all the view”
you say
I’m flicking past memories of you
and her
and us
how we used to drive home from nanna and grandad’s
and fly down that steep hill
with the roundabout at the end
and we'd scream out “again!”
but you never did turn around and go back up
The safest place I knew
was the middle seat in the back of the car
It felt as though we might go far, far
away
and never stop
and nothing bad could happen
and I wouldn't have to go back to being frightened
if we just kept moving forward
Maybe that’s why you never did turn around
at the bottom of that hill
You knew I'd have to wait until
I was older to understand

I Have

I have been contained
in walls of stained glass windows
and stood in reverence
head bowed, eyes shut, hands clasped
I have climbed mountains
where there’s no other soul in sight
and stood in reverence
head raised, eyes open, arms wide
I have seen new life arrive
blood and tears and screams and warmth
and stood in reverence
I have kissed death
A coldness like no other

I Don't Even Know What To Call This

Rhymes coursing through my blood
like I’m hooked up to I.V.
All my flows are flowing free
all like intravenously
My flow is so fresh
like a new bag of saline fluid
Your flow be all ancient
like it was written by a druid

I’m addicted to my lines
but they're not the cocaine kind
I am meaning the kind that rhyme
and mine are talcum powder fine

If you don’t be patient
I’ll put you in a hospital
where it won’t be nice
Ain't no Doctor Huxtable

Step aside
Run and hide
My style is hot
like Kentucky Fried
I am Coke
You’re like Pepsi
I’m for real
like Johnny Depp, see
I am smooth
but I ruffle feathers
I have cult status
like that movie Heathers
That film is ace
It starred Winona
You’re a one hit wonder
like My Sharona
I keep my fizz
like lime and Corona
so give it up, fool
or I will own ya

Take My Word For It

“I won’t always be around,
you need to learn to do these things alone”
You are right
I do
Your words are true
and I will take your word for it
Sometimes, though, I think
you don’t understand just how deep
is my fear
and how near
to
the
edge
it takes me
You say “Kids! Who’d have 'em?!”
You say I never listen to a word you say
But I do
Just take my word for it
and give me time
and I will take your words
and your wisdom
to heart
but the hardest part
is passing them on to
my mind
My nerves fray
For strength I pray
You think I’ll find a way
I will take your word for it
if you say
so
and you must know
that when you give me your words to take
I will make
the most of them
well...
at least most of them, anyway

Far Be It From Me

Far be it from me
so much I held dear
Far be it from me
to want it back here
Far be it from me
to need it so near
Sometimes it seems
there’s a lot that is
far be it from me
but I will be
forever grateful
for all that once was
so close
and all that is
to come

Giggling Gertie

If laughs could be liquefied
yours would be a burbling brook
It cascades so freely
uninhibitedly
from a well within you
well and truly
it is
an endless, replenishing
refreshing source of constant delight
and if my ears were sore eyes it would be a sight
for them to behold
I let it wash over me
It would have to be
my favourite sound in the whole world

Second-hand Hurt

I was watching you through the window
drinking your beer
sitting alone outside today
while I played
“Everything I Own” real loud and sung along and drank my red wine inside
and then you came in to say
that you’d just shared a drink with her
and that’s okay
but when you say these things
it brings it home
that every minute of every hour
you’re aching for her
and your pain gets passed on to me
through your sad eyes
and I realise
that this second-hand hurt
that I am given
is harder to cope with than my own grief
and I would give
everything I own
to bring you relief
but it is my belief
the best I could do
was to continue to swig from my wine bottle’s neck
and heck
share a drink with you too

Over The Moon

I am over the moon

I am over the way its light
is just too bright for night

I am over the way it finds
the cracks between the blinds
and seeps through
and keeps you awake

I read somewhere
(or was told)
that the moon has the same
push
and
pull
effect on our bodies
as it does on the seas
because we
are made up of almost eighty percent water
that sorta made sense to me
but I gotta say
some nights
it just makes me crazy

Infectious

I’m wondering
if that yawn that I caught
just now
was once mine
that I then passed down
to the next person
who then went on
to send it round
the world in eighty days
and now it’s made its way
back to me
in endless circularity

Ahead Of Yourself

Getting ahead of yourself
is easy to do
when you are trying to put
it all behind you
The train’s windows
act as projection screens
for dissecting discussions
that never have been
and concocting conversations
where you say what you mean
When your eyes glaze over
the passing scenes
and nothing was ever
as it always seems
it is time to turn off
those incessant daydreams

Look right through the glass
to what is real outside
and watch it rush by
it is your time to bide
pretty soon you will notice
you’ve gone and arrived
just don’t get ahead of yourself
whilst on this wild ride

Around Here

You told me
you don’t think
that if she came back
she would recognise anything
anymore around here
not the cars on the driveway
nor
the garden
or
the caravan on her front lawn
but I beg
to differ
If she were
to come back
she’d know everything
off by heart
While you were tidying up her kitchen
you looked at me
while holding what appeared to be a scourer
and you said
“what on earth is a ‘hard surface cleaner’?”
and I said
“it’s a cleaner for hard surfaces”
and you said
“like your face”
and I laughed
see
things are much
and will remain as such
the same around here

The Epic Saga Of The Final Days Of The Known World's Last Remaining Wandering Minstrel

The last remaining wandering minstrel
was looking glum
for he felt that he
had been given a task
truly onerous
that had we been asked
all most all of us
would have found to be too upsetting
For being the last remaining wandering minstrel
required fortitude to handle the solitude
and loads of stamina
because all of the wandering
and the minstrelling
could get to ya
and now as his last hurrah
he was to travel near and far
and make known to all and sundry
that from now on
people were to talk of life
and speak of death
not with their words
just only with text
and they would learn
of sorrows great
and tell of loss
too hard to take
receive good news
and divulge their own
all just by using
a thumb and phone

The last remaining wandering minstrel
shed a single solitary tear in self-pity
and then dejectedly walked from city to city
in a final farewell and goodbye tour
until, alas, there were fewer and fewer
places requiring his special talent of news dissemination
as he handed out those little boxes of communication
It was the inevitable, lamentable, nay tragic elimination
of The Last Remaining Wandering Minstrel position

Time Line

You come from
a long line
of strong, fine women
that you will never know
but I will show
and tell you
all about them
as was told to me
The First
said “I don’t deserve this”
left with the five kids
and raised them by herself
The Second
loved a man
who went to war
and swore to himself that he would never speak of it
so he didn’t
for their fifty-two years together
The Third
loved you so dearly
that no matter what the cost
and no matter how hard it hurt
she did whatever she was told to do
to have as many days as possible with you
before her time ran out too soon
The Fourth
loves you more than you’ll ever comprehend
until you yourself get to send
this strength on down the line
in time
The End

The Better Of Me

Most times it feels that
I am not the best I could be
but I'm hoping we'll soon see
you get the better of me
God knows, you’ve seen my worst
I’ll just shut my mouth at first!
until it becomes second nature

Port Of Call

It’s a short distance to that cove
that has long harboured dreams
we’ll set them free
no strings attached
for you and me

It’s a long drop down from the edge
we’ll watch from the cliff top
those hopes get dashed
on jagged rocks
their tethers slashed

It’s a cold, dark dip into the deep
to retrieve what’s survived
scattered debris
flotsam, jetsam
gone out to sea

It’s a slow process to once again
begin building new dreams
from scratch and scraps
salty water
still licks and laps

our feet
and rises