Reflex

It’s so strange the things you recall

after all this time

laying dormant

Sitting on the edge of the bed

legs dangling over the edge

again with the tests

a little hammer to the knee

boing!

it jerks reactively

What, I always worry, is he precisely wanting it to do

Should my leg shoot out like that

or is that too much?

Was that my natural reflex

or did I unintentionally exaggerate its response

and exactly why

Just why

is this man hitting my knee

what does it have to do with what’s wrong with me

could someone please just explain that to me

Pushed hard up against the wall

his hand under my chin pushes on my neck

stretches me as tall as I can be

he plots my progress on a graph 
a new dot in blue pen