Dichotomy

Today I saw scenes on the television screen
of men walking through a forest
They opened a cage
set their sights high
and shot down those they’d just set free

Today I saw scenes on the television screen
of men climbing a cliff
They reached the chosen spot
in a place so high the world below became pixelated
squares of blues and greens
They opened the cage door
the albatross opened its wings
(like a conductor about to create a concerto from silence
or when everything hangs in the balance)
it let the wind circle around each feather
took account of the weather
the world held its breath
and on the exhale
it
soared

To Write Them Down

A turn of phrase
or sayings they liked to use
and names they called special ones
it makes them live on

I heard her yesterday in my head
“don’t grizzle” she said
that’s what she used to say to me
“don’t grizzle”

He called me “Missy”
no one else ever has
I miss hearing that name
but it wouldn’t be the same if someone else starting using it

There’s one I never met
but when I’m told of his expressions it’s like I have
“Directly” he would respond, apparently,
when asked if he’d completed a task
“I’ll do it directly”

On the plaque in the remembrance garden
under the details of her life’s span
he signed it
“Until we meet again, love Squaddie”
that was her name for him
“Squaddie”

If I think of more
I’ll be sure
to write them down

Greenwich

I remember when
I saw the world laid out flat
on a map
it dawned on me
I could do that
I could go
anywhere I cared to see
all that was required was time
all the time in the world
lined up chronologically
I read it from left to right
continents and countries
oceans and vast seas
at my fingertips
and at my feet
and I promised myself the earth

For Those That Still Can Fly

I asked him
“where do all the birds end up?
the sky seems so full of formations and flocks
but I don’t see even one dead body a day
is there somewhere sacred they go to pass away?”

“No”
he replied
“I see them all the time after they’ve died
it’s usually a cat, or disease or old age”

which seemed such an unceremonious response
to the plight of the flightless amongst us
I was hoping for a more enthralling story
of wise and noble final journeys
to resting places worthy
of lives spent experiencing a borderless freedom
beyond our comprehension

At least, I guess
I can pay respect
by continuing to follow in his stride
as we go searching far and wide
our eyes searching high
scanning the sky
for those that still can fly

Even Your Eyes

You’ve been gone so long
even your eyes have picked up an accent
I used to know just what you meant
from only one look
an open book
reading between the lines
like secret messages we find
made of lemon juice on paper
for us to heat up and discover
for later
but now
somehow
over time
and distance
(or possibly linguistics)
something’s changed
your eyes don’t sound the same

A Beautiful View

A beautiful view sends her to
such a melancholy place
“life” she thinks
“is a torturous existence”
she’ll write a poem and rhyme it with “persistence”
later that night
after a fright
a small body will pull back the sheets
and climb into her bed
and their heads will touch
silence
and they’ll stare at each other
still silence
and after some time the child will return to her room
neither knowing who was the one most comforted

Stones and Sticks

Stones and sticks
can’t fix
broken bones
but bricks
and mortar
well they oughtta soothe
frayed nerves
but now this home
once my centre
has got me on edge
but if you were to walk through the door
just once more
I’d find a way so you could stay
and I would be the one who leaves
on this family tree
that’s the way it was supposed to be

Static

A change is in the air
you feel it and become aware
of the soft hairs on your arms
they’re standing on end

nothing can stay the same
can’t go back to where we came
it's a constant state of flux
change, gains and loss

time cannot stand still
you just have to wait until
you know it’s on your side
then make your move

learning to tell the difference
between static and interference
is the hardest lesson
I still have yet to learn

Still Life

The thin, tall vase stands still on the windowsill
like a sentinel
the gerbera, still full of life, is dipped into its water and made to face away from the view
its blood red petals admired as chores are performed in the kitchen
but over time, when unobserved, it slowly turns to face the sun
to gaze at the garden from whence it did come

Dawn’s Chorus

I can hear dawn’s chorus
announcing for us
that we’ve survived another night
and when we’re ready
we can open our eyes
and check to see
if we’re still in our right minds
with what’s left of our wits
but every day I think
at some point between lights-out and sunrise
I wouldn’t be surprised
to awake to discover
I’ve gone completely stark raving mad

Living In A Landscape Painting

You want to live in a landscape painting
well we’re washed out from all this waiting
this world will bleed you until you’re dry
and leave chalk outlines of where we lie
but we can find a way to put colour back in
just choose a hue and then begin

Peregian

We walked along your beach today
we didn’t have a lot to say to each other
I remember the last Christmas together
before the news broke
how I awoke one morning and went down to the sand
and began to feel a sense of unease
and wondered to myself what I would do
if I knew this was the last time I’d see these waves
perhaps it pays to give attention to these premonitions
because as it turns out, I was thinking of you

Au Revoir

If I were to write
a farewell note
If I wrote
such a thing
it would begin with
"Goodbye"

A Few Words On Seven Years

I’m going to step outside today
with a pair of secateurs
and snip at the stem some flowers for your vases
it’s Spring again and there’s so much new life to collect for decoration
it’s September again but it’s not the date that makes me recollect how much time has past
it’s walking passed a bookshop to see your favourite author has released another novel
just another you’ll never read
for some reason, amongst all the other injustices of being made to leave too soon
that sometimes seems to be the cruellest blow
it’s just these simple pleasures that I now know
you’ll never get to experience again
and I can’t read them for you
they’re not really to my taste
that’s why it seems such a heartbreaking waste
that they just sit on the bookstore shelf
because I still just don’t understand why you didn’t get to read them for yourself

The Time To Miss You

In the morning
when I wake
you’re there and framed
and so I take
the time to miss you
in that moment
it can't be saved up
and it can't be lent
and it can't be put off
and it can't be misspent
and we sure can’t take it with us
and then I wipe the dust from your face
and then I put you back in your place
and then I type to fill the space
so you won’t be gone without a trace

Let It Come To Me

This water won’t let me drown
it provides resistance as I push my way down
way down
it wants me to float
to surface
I thought its purpose
was to see me sink
but I think not today
rather than dive for the deep
I’ll strive for the steep, clean air
or maybe just let it come to me
buoyancy
slow and steady
I will rise
and surprise the sunlight
I’ve begun the climb
and the bends will end in time

Sunday Drive

We’re up high
bird’s eye view
as we look down
in the distance below
the city buildings
in a haphazard row
seem like jagged, broken teeth
in a mouth that’s felt
the punishing impact of a closed fist
or never been kissed
but you say
from so far away
they look like tombstones

Death Sentence

A death sentence
is what we need
just a few words
strung together
like so
that can tie up the loose ends
and see us part as friends
start to mend raw edges
A death sentence
that will make you see
there’s no life left in what we had
words wounded it
and they need to finish it off
so there’s no misconception
no expectation of resurrection
A death sentence
twenty five words or less
so we can lay to rest
once and for all
our sakes
this long
drawn
out
final
farewell

well,
I’ll go first

An Unguarded Heart

The heart needs protecting
never forgetting
that constant vigilance
and diligence
is required to combat threats to its fragility
an unguarded heart
poses a greater threat to life
than a thousand strikes
and blows
he who knows this
shows true strength
there is no length a heart won’t go to
so you better know how to last the distance

A Clear Way Through To Summer

It’s half way near
I’m hoping for a clear way through to summer
some relief from the fear
I’m praying for a clear way through to summer
if given half a chance
six months in an instance
might seem like a lifetime well-lived
if given a clear way through to summer
of myself, it’s not too much to ask
to have bright skies last
no overcast days
a clear way through to summer
“Make hay while the sun shines”
well, hey, sometimes
all you need is a clear way through to summer

Your Way

You had a way
a sway you would do
when I was in need of comforting
held in your arms
we would ever so slowly spin around the kitchen
until your humming
would overcome my fears
You had a way
of saying what I needed to hear
you understood me better than I do
there wasn't the opportunity
for you to teach me all you knew
and I’m having a hell of a time getting up to speed
You had a way
of showing that bravery
doesn’t require grandiose gestures
it’s waiting for a phone call
that tells you there’s no chance at all
You had a way
of making sure
I’d be okay
when each year spins round
(like we would do)
to Mother's Day

Upon Your Return

You’ll be leaving soon
again
I’ll say “have fun, be careful”
and then
we’ll hug
and I’ll save that embrace, just in case,
to my memory
and upon your return
with the greetings complete
I'll delete

Heart Contract

If I knew you would make my heart contract
I would have paid more attention
to the terms and conditions
and permissions
before accepting and agreeing
and now
the cooling-off period has begun
I can tell

Window Of Time

I will take my fill of this view
and carry it all the way back to you
and when we meet again
I will pour my heart out
so you can see every last sight you missed
droplets
of time
that have all combined
they’ll wash over us
til then
watch over us
while I look out for you

The Other Cheek

I’ve always turned
the other cheek
away from view
away from sight
well, tonight
I thought to myself
“I should hold my head up high
rather than try to hide this part of me”
It bears the hallmarks of girls who should not be
We are maybe not one in a million, but at least
one in a hundred thousand
or some such figure
(it may be bigger)
I should be proud
I should accept

except...

Aftermath Man

Oh shit, dawg!
for real just got real
but for poor Aftermath Man
you do just gotta feel
He’s always keen to help out
to use his powers for Right and Good
but by day he works in an office
while he dreams and thinks he could
take on the baddies and the villains
and sock it to ‘em right where it stings
but when there’s a need for superheroes
he always too late to those things
He’ll be sitting at his desk in the office
being totally incognito n’ stuff
when he’ll hear of a dire situation
like a duel or a fight or a fisticuff
so he’ll run to the toilets to change into
his stockings and long cape and facemask
only to emerge in all his lycra finery
to discover the drama has past
Head down and dejected and moody
he mopes back to the men’s room to undress
to return as boring old Office Dude
Sometimes he thinks he'll just go and confess
to being the guy in the outfit
He wonders if he really ever truly can
make the big, dramatic revelation
“Hey everyone, I’m Aftermath Man!”

For Precious One

Precious One
if you only knew your worth
We would move heaven and earth for you
You have got us all so worried
You have got us all
You have got us

Precious One
I want so much better for you
than what you're going through
It is too late for me to be carefree
so my energy will be devoted to being here for you
because there is no one in my world, Precious One,
that has even begun to come close
to meaning what you do

I know this is your battle to fight
with victory only temporary
and that this piece of your mind won't let you have peace of mind
It's a war you'll never win
but you will begin, I promise, to live within your skin
with something akin to contentment
and if it's only for a moment
you'll make the most of it

Soon I will tell you about how you came along
and gave us something to delight in
when there was nothing else but devastation
and how you still shine into my heart
what sometimes feels like the only natural light
in my day of dull energy-saving bulbs and harsh fluorescents
You make a difference
Your presence alone does wonders
precious wonders
Precious One does

This Morning

I cried myself to awake today
I could hear it as I broke my way
through morning’s surface
from deep below
mourning’s termless grief
I took it slow
as I’ve learned to do
sat up gradually
swivelled around
on the edge
of the bed
placed feet on ground
grew accustomed
to the familiar sounds
of a brand new day
an Eastern Koel's song
heralded the sun's first ray
as I blinked away
the last dregs of that dream
I seem to remember
someone wrote on a card
“take comfort in memories”
so tomorrow morning I will not weep
and instead I’ll smile myself to sleep

Table For Two

It’s habitual
this ritual
of taking out two plates
and then realising too late
after placing them on the bench
that you’re only cooking for one
now
I ask you
where’s the fun
in that

you put one back
in the cupboard

Looking Up

Lately I’ve been looking up at clouds
a little more than ever before
Is it just me
or do they seem
slightly closer?
I can see them from inside this train
I know they once held rain
in their hands
and where it lands
they care not
This train is packed tight with people
who have been soaked to the bone
just trying to get home
without one more drop falling
on their already saturated selves
Some thought life was a gift
to keep
but some have had enough
and want to give it away
call it quits
call it a day
“I’m over it” they say, while under
the weight of it all
and waiting for it all
to lift
But all is not lost
The lady two seats in front
says she delivers catalogues to letterboxes
on the weekend
so she can send
money to a child in Africa
I should feel inadequate
I decide to feel inspired
She looks tired
and I swear to God
I will try to ask for his help less
I confess
right here on this train
to all manner of sins and failings
I want to not make bargains
anymore
I recall
a conversation where we both said
we didn’t wish to be dead
but if given the choice
we would have chosen not to be born
It seemed like such a sad thing
to admit to at the time
but now I’m fine with feeling that way
because that’s not to say
I’m not making the most of every day
Oh no
I’m smelling roses like no one’s business
I’m laughing fit to burst
I’m fighting so hard to stop fearing the worst
about what's in store
things are looking up
like I do at the clouds
a little more than ever before

2am

See those three girls in the back seat
It’s 2am and they need some sleep
They’re being driven home along the freeway
Lights piercing the dark where there once was day
The first rests her head on the window of the car
The second rests her head on the first’s shoulder
The third rests her head on the shoulder of the second
The second feels blessed before sleep beckons

Bapaume Road

You look across and notice
it’s not the window I’m looking through
“You’re missing all the view”
you say
I’m flicking past memories of you
and her
and us
how we used to drive home from nanna and grandad’s
and fly down that steep hill
with the roundabout at the end
and we'd scream out “again!”
but you never did turn around and go back up
The safest place I knew
was the middle seat in the back of the car
It felt as though we might go far, far
away
and never stop
and nothing bad could happen
and I wouldn't have to go back to being frightened
if we just kept moving forward
Maybe that’s why you never did turn around
at the bottom of that hill
You knew I'd have to wait until
I was older to understand

I Have

I have been contained
in walls of stained glass windows
and stood in reverence
head bowed, eyes shut, hands clasped
I have climbed mountains
where there’s no other soul in sight
and stood in reverence
head raised, eyes open, arms wide
I have seen new life arrive
blood and tears and screams and warmth
and stood in reverence
I have kissed death
A coldness like no other

I Don't Even Know What To Call This

Rhymes coursing through my blood
like I’m hooked up to I.V.
All my flows are flowing free
all like intravenously
My flow is so fresh
like a new bag of saline fluid
Your flow be all ancient
like it was written by a druid

I’m addicted to my lines
but they're not the cocaine kind
I am meaning the kind that rhyme
and mine are talcum powder fine

If you don’t be patient
I’ll put you in a hospital
where it won’t be nice
Ain't no Doctor Huxtable

Step aside
Run and hide
My style is hot
like Kentucky Fried
I am Coke
You’re like Pepsi
I’m for real
like Johnny Depp, see
I am smooth
but I ruffle feathers
I have cult status
like that movie Heathers
That film is ace
It starred Winona
You’re a one hit wonder
like My Sharona
I keep my fizz
like lime and Corona
so give it up, fool
or I will own ya

Take My Word For It

“I won’t always be around,
you need to learn to do these things alone”
You are right
I do
Your words are true
and I will take your word for it
Sometimes, though, I think
you don’t understand just how deep
is my fear
and how near
to
the
edge
it takes me
You say “Kids! Who’d have 'em?!”
You say I never listen to a word you say
But I do
Just take my word for it
and give me time
and I will take your words
and your wisdom
to heart
but the hardest part
is passing them on to
my mind
My nerves fray
For strength I pray
You think I’ll find a way
I will take your word for it
if you say
so
and you must know
that when you give me your words to take
I will make
the most of them
well...
at least most of them, anyway

Far Be It From Me

Far be it from me
so much I held dear
Far be it from me
to want it back here
Far be it from me
to need it so near
Sometimes it seems
there’s a lot that is
far be it from me
but I will be
forever grateful
for all that once was
so close
and all that is
to come

Giggling Gertie

If laughs could be liquefied
yours would be a burbling brook
It cascades so freely
uninhibitedly
from a well within you
well and truly
it is
an endless, replenishing
refreshing source of constant delight
and if my ears were sore eyes it would be a sight
for them to behold
I let it wash over me
It would have to be
my favourite sound in the whole world